Notes from the Global South
From Mexico with Love
How long can you be a dreamer? When do you get to wake up:
I’ve been living in Mexico for the last 3 months after a lifetime in the U.S., lets just call it 30+ years to not date myself. I’m old y’all. And as young as I feel, age does also play it’s part in this process. From the maturity that comes with it, to the fears of wanting to restart somewhere new at a “later” age. It’s a weird thing, I’ve always envisioned it like waiting for your chance to jump into a double dutch session. The timing has to be just right both for the jump in and jump out, I think I raised my hands and started timing my jump in 2012. Maybe the metaphor doesn’t work quite like I want it to but DACA is the rope and I was waiting to find the path that never showed itself. I got too tired to continue.
I’ve been thinking on the term “dreamer” a lot lately. To dream of something, can either mean a literal dream that occurs during sleep or a strong desire for something in waking life. The american dream and the stability that is afforded by accomplishing it is what I’ve been thinking about. That “better” life and the sacrifices of our parents, all the things I’ve said before. The american capitalist industrial complex propaganda runs deep and it’s so good even Americans believe it. But what happens to a dream deferred? I festered in the sun, I tried to sell my poems outside of home depots. I followed protocol, I was a good little immigrant. I jumped those little ropes til my body and mind went numb. Maybe the path will clear when the Dems get control of the house or when the senate goes blue or when they hold both the house the senate and the presidency, maybe t*ump won’t be that bad. Maybe Gorsuch, Kavanaugh, or Barrett won’t be that bad. Maybe if Biden wins, Maybe if when Biden wins re-election, maybe if Kamala wins. Maybe t*ump won’t be as bad this time.
How long can we sleep? When does the dream become nightmare? And why does the dream switch to Canada or Europe? Why not in my case, Mexico? Why does the worry become job security? Can I take my american education with me?
It’s all tied together. we took DACA from tool to identity.
“I am DACA”.
What ever that means. DACA the lifeline of freedom that becomes shackle. The reason the first question I always get is about the job market in Mexico.
“What do you do, if you don’t mind me asking”.
I always understand it, I know where it comes from. It’s a valid question, but boy has it began to bug the hell outta me. That’s so rooted in the american way of thinking, I was the same way. And it’s so hard to explain because what is true for some will not be true for others.
“Can you make a good life?”
Is another one. It’s weird because that’s so subjective, what I can say, is that there’s a reevaluation of what quality means. That, I was so messed up for so long. That I thought life was great as long as I was working, as long as I was providing and had a roof over my head, life felt okay. I normalized the struggle of being undocumented.
“This is just what I must endure, these are just the cards that were dealt to me.”
I don’t know if I could ever explain the switch that happens, I’ve spent hours typing up diatribes just like this one trying to make sense of it. And I always fall short. There’s a physical and emotional shift that happens the moment you get on the plane.
The golden cage and the travel fallacy:
The airport is the literal boundary, that thing that makes us different, the thing that we can see and touch, the representation of our limits. Don’t touch the red button and all we want to do is touch that red button. “I just want to travel the world”, It’s called the Arrival fallacy, it’s a real thing. Everything for people like us is magnified. We believe in cartels where they might exist but only ever heard of them through the lens that your captors allow you to see.
Fear as control tactic:
“Oh, MORENA just has a good PR team”.
But some how the poverty rate fell from 42% to 29%, some how the minimum wage went up. But that’s just good PR. I’ve been in Mexico for 3 months and yes there was a political assassination here but there’s been one in the US too and I lost count of the mass shootings in the good ol’ US of A, at least 374 as of late October. Of course I’ve heard of cartel on cartel shootings. But not the way it’s heard about in the US. I am not trying to downplay or say it’s not real. I think the chances of being undocumented/DACA and ending up in detention in the US are probably higher than getting got by the cartel in Mexico. I don’t know how accurate that is, I’m guessing. Sounds plausible though.
Facts: the cartel is an arm of the US government or at least it has been and there is recorded evidence to back that claim. The real question is, why? When you become the biggest super power on earth it’s hard to let it go.
The Golden cage and the empty gold mind:
The US dollar was once backed by gold. That stopped on August 15 1971. Nixon made an announcement that the money supply and economic growth outpaced the amount of gold reserves that made up the gold standard.
The U.S. dollar has been backed by “trust and goodwill”, ever since. Kinda, the “petrodollar” became a thing. Where no matter what country sells the oil, or petrol, the US dollar must be used for the transaction. Why they never found those damn weapons of mass destruction but destabilize the countries anyway. War against terrorism and why there is now “narco-terrorism”. They don’t care about the dr*g crisis or starving their people, they need a justification, they care about the oil. What’s the stat, 5% of the world population uses 25% of natural resources. That’s why the BRICS countries are a problem for the US now. De-dollarization. Big DATA is the next frontier, which is why crypto has become a thing. Why TikTok is an issue. Why mass detention/deportation is their big idea. How else do you reinstate slavery without calling it slavery. It’s not enough to have cheap labor, they want it for free. They need it! for free. Just an opinion rooted in frustration.
And some how there’s still the question of insecurity in Mexico. Every other YouTube channel rec for me is “expats in Mexico”, “moving to Merida”, “your Mexico relocation guide”, “how to get Mexican residency” and here we are gassed up on a falling empire.
“Oh it’s just victim mentality”
But it’s really the american exceptionalism fallacy that our parents fell for, that the world fell for.
I didn’t want to dream anymore. I was done with the nightmare. I woke up. I’m happy I did. I sold all my things. The things I once swore I needed to make me happy. The representation of my worth was never material, such a stupid and simple concept and it took me a lifetime and some courage to understand it. I gave it all up. My tired, my poor, my hungry and I stop yearning to breathe free. No need to yearn. I am free. I breathe free. And it’s not perfect, far from. But I love it here. From Jalisco thanks for reading if you did, I hope this message finds you well
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—Ex non american me.
Have been anticipating this piece. I can feel the freedom you describe and the grief that follows it in my chest. Thank you for writing this.♥️